


Always Watching

by danpuff



Series: Pacify Afterlife [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Afterlife, BDSM, Breaking Things, Chickenpets, For the Love of Chicken, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Pacify - Freeform, Pacifyverse, Parental Guidance is no good when they're DEAD, Teacher-Student Relationship, Voyeurism (non-kink), Weird Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24775189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danpuff/pseuds/danpuff
Summary: Lily and James Potter might be dead, but that doesn't stop them keeping an eye on their son. They see more than they want to when Harry enters an inappropriate relationship with one of his teachers.(Many TVs were harmed in the making of this fanfic.)(Inspired by Pacify, by Chickenpets)
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: Pacify Afterlife [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859563
Comments: 76
Kudos: 320
Collections: Pacify Fan-Works: Fanfics for a Fanfic





	1. Break

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Pacify Part 4: Sanctum](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684845) by [Chickenpets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chickenpets/pseuds/Chickenpets). 



> Based in the [Pacify universe](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595650), by Chickenpets.
> 
> Story inspired by [The White Road](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19113) by perverse_idyll.

It takes administration three years to grant them a telly, and Lily breaks it the first day. Lily feels rather destructive as she watches her four year old son scrubbing the kitchen floor beneath his aunt’s cold stare and his cousin’s gleeful giggles. Ice cream drips to the floor from Dudley’s pudgy fist and Petunia shrieks, “Get it, boy, quickly!” In a haze, Lily transfigures a magazine into a sledgehammer and bashes it into her sister’s cruel, narrow face. 

It feels good, for a moment, but it’s another three years before they see another telly. 

Harry is seven when Lily sees him again, sitting miserably on a stool as Petunia hacks off his hair. Lily’s fingers curl into a fist, and James lays his hand over hers, and holds on tightly. They steady each other as Harry is made to cook for his family. And when he is sent to bed without food (for ruining the lamb) - sent to bed in a cupboard - it is Lily who jumps up to grab James, hauling him back to the couch to prevent him from kicking in the screen. 

Lily sits on the floor to watch her boy toss and turn in his sleep. “Mummy loves you,” she whispers. It is only when she tastes the salt on her tongue that she realizes she’s crying.

The telly survives a week. A week of cool disinterest from the Dursleys. A week of Dudley’s taunting. A week of avoidance from classmates. A week of blindness from teachers that don’t ask why he’s so skinny or so sad, or why his clothes don’t fit. A week of no one saying a word as his cousin shoves him to the ground as often as he can.

It is Vernon laying hands on Harry that breaks James. Vernon shoving Harry out of his way, barking “Watch it, boy!” on his way to turn on the evening news. Harry glares at his uncle’s back and rubs his arm, but slinks to his cupboard without a word. Lily sits numbly with a hand over her mouth as James lifts the television into his arms and hurls it out of the window. 

They are told they will only be given one more, and it arrives four years later. As Lily sets it up, James is already writing letters to friends and acquaintances, on the hunt for the next. They already know this one won’t survive long.

It lasts two weeks. It is their son meeting the potions master that does it, that silky smooth voice taunting, “ _-fame clearly isn’t everything_ ”, that has Lily and James reaching for their wands. Which spell landed, neither can say, but they leave the broken telly out on the curb and await its replacement. 

Gideon Prewett brings it over a year later. They reluctantly invite him for tea, to be polite, and don’t dare turn on Harry’s channel while he’s there. Only when Gideon leaves do they rush to their couch and sit at the edge of their seats to see their son fight a basilisk. 

Lily and James try to hold each other accountable, they really do. They hold each other close and talk each other down. James growls about “Snivellus” and Lily rants about Dumbledore. At night Lily cries in her husband’s arms, about what useless parents they are, and how she’d like to write a sternly worded letter to Hogwarts. James laughs into her hair, but she can feel his chest trembling beneath her face and knows he’s fighting back tears of his own. 

It isn’t all bad, at least. Harry has two very good friends. All of his classmates before had been put off by Dudley, and it’s not much easier at Hogwarts, when he’s so famous. Ron and Hermione are good for him, both smart in their own ways, and deeply loyal. Harry also finds a place on his house Quidditch team, and while Lily thinks he’s much too young to play such a dangerous sport, James is thrilled, so she says nothing. Only she adds it to the letter she’s been mentally writing to Albus Dumbledore and Cornelius Fudge, and everyone in charge who stand idly by while her son dodges bludgers and basilisks. 

They laugh when Marge is blown up. And James yells at the screen when they discover what has become of Sirius Black. They whoop when Harry is given the Marauder’s Map, and curse when Remus transforms in front of them, and cling to one another as Harry fights off Dementors. 

“Look at that Patronus!” James exclaims at the end, ruffling his hair with a shaky hand. “That’s my boy!”

It isn’t until Harry is tasked with dragons his fourth year that they lose another telly. 

Year after year of life-threatening events. Year after year biting their nails, praying for his survival. Year after year wondering if his life was better or worse at Hogwarts. They miss tea with friends, and barely leave their home. They only venture away when they need a new television. 

“We’ll have to thank Harry when he gets here,” jokes Fabian Prewett one day, “for keeping the black market alive and well!”

Lily’s heart almost dies in her chest at the thought. Lily never wants to see Harry here, never wants him to die at all. She had given her life for his, all of those years ago. But as she sits to watch his hearing at the Ministry, Lily wonders if it would be so awful, Harry coming home to them. He would be happy, here. He would be loved and safe with his parents, as he had not been since he saw them last.

When Sirius joins them, they do not see Harry for several weeks. They cannot shake Sirius, and they are reluctant to share Harry with anyone, even him. This is for the best, for when they next tune into Harry’s channel, their son is straddling _Severus Snape_ in a bed and kissing him. 

In the blink of an eye the television is gone. Just gone without a trace. 

Severus hated Harry, Lily knew. She had watched her son’s life for years now, and had seen it. Severus hated Harry, maybe because of James, and maybe not, but he was horrid to him regardless. Then out of nowhere her son was in his bed. Kissing him. But it is Severus kissing Harry by the time they can watch again. Severus slamming his sixteen year old student into a wall and kissing him hard, and filthy. Lily places one hand over her mouth and the other over her belly, stomach churning as the men cling to each other, as her son says “ _Just fuck me. I know you want to_ ” to a grown man. To her old friend. James sits beside her, elbows on his knees, fingers digging into his hair. He stares at the floor, barely breathing. He listens as Harry begs - begs Severus to touch him. But he doesn’t watch. It’s Lily who watches a pale hand slip into her son’s pants, touching him, getting him off. 

Lily wails and throws the remote at the TV, but it doesn’t damage it. Thankfully. Lily summons it back and hurriedly turns off the Harry channel just as Severus asks, “ _Have you any idea how to please a man, Potter?_ ” Lily doesn’t want to know. Does not want to see her son being used by a man who despises him. Does not want to see how eager he is for any affection, even if its cruel. Does not want to think about _why_ it might be that he wants that.

* * *

The Prewetts deliver ten new tellies while James is out flying with Sirius. They still have a working one, but Lily accepts the order. When she closes the door she rushes to the television, heart beating wildly as she turns it on. Defense Against the Dark Arts - just in time! Lily sits on the floor, greedily watching the screen. Watches in disgust at the soft _eyes_ Harry is making at Severus. And giggles despite herself at his “ _There’s no need to call me ‘sir’, Professor._ ” Lily makes a mental note to tell James.

She watches, and hopes to be given a reason, and admonishes herself for wanting that. Her fingers grip the remote tightly when after class, the two _flirt_. Merlin’s beard, what was even happening? Flirting! 

“It is improper, Severus,” Lily snarls, throwing the remote at his head. “So _stop doing it_!” 

The scene isn’t as bad as the others, which is disappointing in its own way. She watches Severus watching Harry leave his classroom. Severus was always so good at hiding, but Lily had known him too well for too long. If she couldn’t read the look on his face, she at least knew something was different. Lily pauses the screen and leans in close, staring at his black eyes, breathing out, “What are you doing, Severus?” 

Lily had hoped for a reason to break the telly, but instead she turns it off and lays back on the floor. She closes her eyes and holds the image of Severus Snape in her mind. Her old friend. He looks the same, really, only older - face hardened by time and by life. The darkness in him she had always seen was darker now, but softer, too. As if it wasn’t smothering him anymore, as if he wasn’t trying to claw his way out - as if he’d taken it in hand and donned it like a cloak. 

She blinks up at the ceiling, and thinks of a scrawny boy with a mean father. And a skinny boy with mean relatives. She thinks of a boy desperate for her friendship. And the boy who had been alone before Ron and Hermione. She thinks of every adult who overlooked the bullying and abuse and near-death of two boys. She thinks of a boy whose sharp mind and innumerable talents are ignored in favor of boys more charming and better looking. She thinks of another boy who stands invisible behind his own name and face. She thinks of two boys too useful for their own good. 

Her breath catches and she thinks, again, of that look in Severus’s eyes. And she wonders when he stopped hating her son. 

When James comes home, he sits on the floor beside her. Lily tells him of Harry’s smart remark, and James laughs. She tells him nothing more, and listens to him prattle about his fun day with Sirius. How bright and sunny it was outside, how warm and fun, and how she should join them. 

Lily does not want to abandon Harry for a day, any day. But she thinks of Severus’s face again, and she is scared. “Of course. I’d love to.”

* * *

Lily does not dare turn on the telly for a few days, in fact. Harry is sixteen and deserves some privacy. It isn’t as if Lily can change anything. As a mother, it galls, everything that has been done to her sweet baby…and her, his mother, who carried him for nine months, who gave birth to him, who changed his nappies and dried his tears, who threw herself at the mercy of a Dark wizard because of her love for him…she is so powerless to help him. What sort of mother stands idly by while her son is starved and shoved and locked away? What sort of mother is not there to hold him close? What sort of mother doesn’t stop a filthy old man from laying hands on her only child? It doesn’t feel like enough of an excuse, to Lily. As though she should be able to move heaven and earth for Harry, and can’t. 

So she breaks, one night. Breaks right down and hopes for the best as she wanders into the living room. She sits on the floor and tunes in, hoping to find Harry asleep in his bed. Sleeping peacefully, she hopes, and maybe she can sing to him and pretend, for a while, that she is there with him. There _for_ him.

But Lily is not there for Harry. She is not there to stop Severus Snape from tying him naked to the bed, or from beating him with a belt. She is not there to grab him by the hair and pull his filthy mouth off of her son. All she can do is tremble. All she can do was gape with horror. All she can do is feel the twitch of her eye. All she can do is transfigure the remote into a beater’s bat and swing with all of her might. 

“Lily? Lily, what’s wrong? Lily, sweetheart, what’s happened?”

Lily is screaming. She is screaming and screaming, shoving James away as she beats at the broken machine. “He hit him!” she shrieks. “He hit him, he hit him, he hit him!” 

“Who hit who? Lily? Is it Harry? Lily, darling, what happened?” 

“That’s my BABY!” Lily screams hoarsely. James wrestles the bat out of her hands, so she kicks at the remnants instead. “My BABY, my baby, that’s my SON, you monster, you filthy, despicable, perverted CRIMINAL! I hate you, hate you, I HATE you!”

“Lily, Lily, talk to me. Lily? Lily!” 

Lily cannot reconcile what she has seen. Cannot banish the image of that man hitting her son. Cannot stop the words “ _I want you to hurt me_ ” from echoing in her mind. She thinks of red sparks, and in the depths of her mind, she remembers old rumors about Severus Snape, and the deviancy he was involved in. Lily cannot understand how he had gone from beating her baby boy to putting his mouth on him that way. 

Lily cannot understand how Harry could want it. 

“Snivellus,” Lily snarls. 

“Snape? What - _he_ hit Harry? Lily! Tell me, you have to tell me.” 

Lily shakes her head. “No.”

James’s jaw drops. He waves his arms in agitation. “What do you mean, ‘no’? That’s my son, too, Lily!”

Lily’s jaw trembles, eyes welling with tears, and she shakes her head. “I can’t. James. No. I can’t.” 

So Lily curls up on the couch and watches numbly as James cleans up the broken pieces. Then he sets up a new telly, and mutters about needing to order more. He stands there as the screen flickers to life, and stares for a long minute at their son curled up in bed with Severus Snape. 

“He…hit him?” James asks.

“With a belt,” Lily whispers thickly. 

James swallows and just stares. “I don’t understand.” 

Lily does not understand, either, but she does not say this. She watches her husband watching their son. She watches James turn to her helplessly. 

“We have to do something,” he says.

“What can we do?” Lily asks, voice hollow. “We’re dead.”

* * *

Lily and James do not watch for the rest of the weekend. They play cards with the Prewett brothers, and have tea with Marlene, and go drinking with Sirius. 

“So what’s our Harry up to these days?” Sirius asks.

“Oh,” Lily says with forced brightness. “The usual mischief.”

And she cannot help herself from taking a peek on Monday. It seems safe enough to watch him in his classes. He’s a very bright boy, her son, and charming and sweet. And so very handsome, just like his father. She makes note of Quidditch practice times, and game dates, for James. And she thinks of more items to add to her letters to Petunia and Dumbledore and Scrimgeour and Severus. 

When Harry summons Severus into a bathroom stall, her heart freezes in her chest. Harry is only asking for help, though. And the way Harry kisses him on the cheek would almost be sweet if the whole relationship wasn’t so disturbing. If this was just a boy in school Harry fancied, rather than a grown man who hit him and sucked him off by night and gave him homework by day.

Lily watches all day. James joins her that evening. They say not a word to one another, but they cuddle close and share a bowl of popcorn as they watch Harry’s extra lessons. Severus gives the boy brandy after, but he’s already crossed too many lines for this to matter. And Harry tells Severus about the Dursleys. The way he explains it breaks her heart - because he doesn’t see it as the nightmare Lily sees it as. Neither is he unaffected by it, though. It’s only his life, really - his horrible, unfair life. Lily buries her face in James’s chest, and James rubs her arm soothingly. Neither begrudges Severus for enfolding Harry in his arms. Someone should be there to hold him. To reassure him. To comfort him. 

Lily sobs when Harry says “ _Red sparks!_ ” and hides herself deeper in James’s shirt. James squeezes her tightly enough for it to hurt, but she doesn’t mind. She can’t bear to watch her son crying in Severus’s arms. 

She hates and loves her old friend deeply, both at once. She hates that it’s him, but she’s glad that it’s someone. 

She doesn’t even complain about them kissing in bed. She isn’t sure she would blame Severus for any physical comfort he can offer. But he stops from going too far, tells Harry he won’t take advantage of him. Lily rubs her eyes and offers a silent prayer of thanks. Severus holds her son while he sleeps, drunk and upset. He is present in a way Lily envies him for, and is grateful for. 

“You know,” James says quietly, “I could almost think he cares.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4: Finale corresponds to Part 4: Sanctum


	2. Constant

Lily barely sees James at all in the weeks that follow. He is hiding behind Sirius as his convenient excuse. 

Lily does not hide. She keeps the telly on all day, though Marlene cautions her this is not healthy. Lily pays her no heed, for what care does a dead woman have for her health? So Lily eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner whenever Harry is in the Great Hall. While Harry is in his classes, Lily cleans house and then curls up on the couch with her new books. And at night, if James is out late, or if he doesn’t come home, Lily will sit on the floor and watch Harry sleep. She sings him lullabies and tells him “I love you” and “goodnight, Harry.” When she lays down to sleep, she closes her eyes and gathers all of her love for him. She envisions a long cord connecting her to her child and sends her love along it. 

Whatever happens - whatever he does, whatever is done to him - he is loved dearly. 

Her books are often well hidden before James comes home, but he returns early one day. She is too distracted and troubled to notice. On screen, Harry’s nose is as stuck in his Potions book as Lily’s is in hers. James glances between them, smiling fondly as he kisses the top of his wife’s head. “Hello, Lils. What are you - Merlin! What are you doing?”

Lily yelps and slams the book closed, fair skin burning pink. “Research!” 

“You - why…do you…” James shuffles uncomfortably and ruffles his hair. “I dunno if…”

Lily frowns and blinks at her husband. Then looks pointedly at the screen. James is momentarily confused. Then he pales. She watches the pieces click into place; old rumors, and the belt, and the sparks. Calmly James takes the book from her hands, then not-so-calmly throws the book at the screen.

“James, no!” Lily snaps. Book and telly are both undamaged, but the edge nearly hit Harry’s head. Not that Harry would have felt it; as the days pass, Lily forgets that her son isn’t actually in the room with her. 

“This is okay with you, then?” James fumes. “Your old buddy tying up and torturing your son?”

“Of course not!” Lily is too angered by this accusation to be loud. Her voice is a huff of hot, venomous air. 

“Well, what is this, then?” James gesticulates wildly at the stack of books piled around her. 

“Research, I told you! I want to understand!”

“What is there to understand?” James shouts. “Snape is a sick freak that couldn’t find a willing partner if he tried. They don’t even pay him well enough for a proper whore, do they?” James snorts nastily. “No, he has to groom innocent children for his twisted games. Doesn’t he? And you want to know more, do you?” 

Lily wants to slap him. To punch his chest. She has in the past pinched him for annoyances, or slapped his arm. Now, though, any act of physical aggression, however weak, feels dirty - wrong. Lily folds her arms across her chest instead, green eyes falling to the floor in shame.

“Harry wants it,” Lily whispers. “I don’t know why.” 

“You don’t know why?” James snorts unkindly. “A rapist taught him to, is why.” 

Lily says nothing as James takes one of the books and mutters a spell. When he tosses it at the screen, they explode together. Lily jumps back with a shriek of alarm, but it is a small explosion. Just enough to shatter the telly. Just enough to rip the book to shreds. He is already heading for the door as Lily shouts his name, but he ignores her and slams the door shut behind him.

* * *

Severus keeps his hands to himself long enough that Lily feels secure in watching detention. It’s quiet as Severus grades his papers and Harry studies his Potions book and Lily sits cross-legged on the floor with a puzzle. Lily wrinkles her nose, fighting with a stubborn piece, as they begin to speak. Only when Severus explains about his mother does she look up. Lily has overheard the trio discussing “The Prince” in the past, but she had never thought of Severus. Harry is as stunned as she is.

Lily nervously plucks at her lower lip, not daring to blink. It’s almost like a drama, this whole scene, and with the way Harry is looking at his teacher…the way he says “ _you_ ”…Lily can almost believe the boy is in love. If he wasn’t so young. If he wasn’t so ignorant as to who he is dealing with. 

And Lily is almost happy for Severus, because he’s always deserved this admiration. 

And Harry, he deserves this sort of connection to another person.

She can almost be happy when Severus kisses him, but she remembers that Harry is just a boy, being used by an adult who should know better. And when Severus pushes him onto the desk, working at his robes, Lily scrabbles for the remote before she can see too much. 

Lily avoids the telly herself for a time, after that. She does not dare look at her books. Instead she picks wildflowers with Dorcas, and bakes cookies with Marlene, and joins James and Sirius at the pub. She and James take long walks, and have picnics, and go flying. Lily swims and teaches herself to crochet and determinedly does not think about Severus Snape’s harsh mouth spoiling her child. And does not think about the look in Harry’s eyes when he realizes Severus is his Prince. 

It is an awful coincidence that they are similarly occupied when Lily next tunes in. At first it does not register, what she’s seeing. The way Severus’s hands grip her son’s hair, hips flexing up, pushing his cock into Harry’s pliant mouth…

“Oh God, oh no,” Lily squeaks, shutting her eyes and blindly stabbing at buttons until the screen turns black. She keeps her eyes shut for a long time after, rubbing them, trying to dispel the image of her boy on his knees and her friend’s face twisted in pleasure.

* * *

Lily begins to watch again, after that, though she shuts it off by evening. Harry in class. Harry walking with his friends. Harry looking at Severus.

Severus looking at Harry.

Despite herself, Lily pays the most attention to Harry’s Defense classes. She observes them carefully, tucking away every glance, every movement, every word, to examine later. And after, she thinks about the kiss. And the belt. And Severus holding her son while he slept. And the amazement in Harry’s eyes, and in his voice. 

She thinks about two lost, lonely boys. 

Then she forgets. She shakes it away, and drags James to go dancing or for ice cream or to look at the stars. She has lunch with her friends and brags about how well Harry is doing in Potions and Defense. How he’s such an excellent flier. How he’s so handsome and popular. If they ask if he has a crush, or a girlfriend, Lily laughs and does not tell them about Severus Snape. “He’s young,” she says instead, and ignores the thought of, ‘ _too young for what he’s doing_ ’.

One day, she sees him fretting before she can cut it off. So she sits and waits with him as he fondles his bracelet. James joins her for a time, frowning and not speaking. Harry is so afraid, and so young, and Lily wants to pull him into her arms. “ _It’s okay, he’ll be okay_ ,” she wants to say. 

When Severus finally summons Harry, James turns it off. “Sirius has new board games.”

Lily hesitates. Safer to join them. Better not to look. But Harry was so worried, and so is she. “You go ahead.”

James frowns at her. “Lily.”

“James. Go.”

They fight, for a time. James tells Lily she’s as deranged as their son is, and as perverted as Severus, to watch the way she does. Lily accuses him of being as neglectful as every other person in Harry’s life, ignoring him the way he does - Lily, at least, likes to keep an eye on him. To be sure he’s happy and healthy. They say terrible things to one another, and in the end James leaves with a huff of disgust as Lily falls onto the couch in bitter exhaustion. 

When the screen comes back to life, Harry is in the common room with his friends. Lily leaves it as she showers, dons her pajamas, then fixes a plate of celery with peanut butter. 

As she reenters the living room, she sees Severus manhandling her son in a bed, kissing him. Hears her son call Severus ‘sir.’ She clutches her plate tightly, forgetting to breathe, until the words “ _I’m going to fuck you_ ” snap her out of it.

The plate clatters noisily when she drops it into the kitchen sink. Her heart is thudding loudly, but she can still hear Severus seeking consent. Demanding for Harry to say it. To make himself feel better, then, about raping a child? Or because he wants Harry to want it, too? 

She should turn it off, but she doesn’t. She stands very still and listens very closely. Listens to Harry’s begging and Severus’s filth. The kitchen is a blur. She can feel her blood pumping through her veins. Tears well in her eyes, and she isn’t sure why. And she hears Severus reminding Harry about his sparks, and mentions hurting him, so Lily reluctantly drifts back to the living room to see. 

Because she has to know that Harry’s okay. That he’s safe. 

Severus is on top of her son, so Lily slaps one hand over her eyes, but parts two fingers to peek through. Just to be certain. The other hand slides over her mouth, because she’s very sure she’s going to be sick. “He’s a child, you bastard,” she mutters into her palm. And a virgin, if she’s correct, at least until now. 

Lily tries not to look where they’re joined. Instead she looks at their faces, or Harry’s hands - one grasping the headboard, the other at his mouth - or even the bed. Lily whimpers when she hears Harry’s cry of pain. She leans against the wall to steady herself against sudden dizziness. She should have turned it off, but she’s glad that she didn’t, because Severus is so gentle with him. He is so sweet and considerate - but he’s still _fucking her son_. 

_’He wasn’t made for you, he was made for me’_ , Lily thinks to herself as she slides to the floor. She moves her hands to her ears, because the sounds are worse. 

At least Harry’s first time is good. Severus took such care not to hurt him, and even pleased him, and he does not kick Harry out after, but cuddles with him in bed. It could be worse, Lily decides, though she still wants to tell Severus to keep his nasty prick away from her boy.

* * *

Lily and James thankfully miss Friday night sex, but they tune in just in time to hear Harry ask about love potions. Lily giggles at the look on Severus’s face. The traitorous thought of, _they’re sort of cute, aren’t they?_ drifts through her head and cuts her laughter short. James never even cracks a smile. He just frowns at the screen, the distress in his hazel eyes so heavy that Lily feels it in her chest. 

“I should kill him,” James whispers. “But I can’t do that. I can’t do anything.” 

Lily has nothing to say to that, so she kisses his cheek. 

It is a dangerous game, checking in on Harry as often as she does. Especially at night. They are very sexually active, and oftentimes Lily clicks off the telly as soon it turns on. 

James only watches when he knows it’s safe. Together they watch a Quidditch game. They cheer Harry on and celebrate Gryffindor’s win. They even watch some of the party with glasses of champagne. But then James leaves to see the Prewetts, and Lily goes to select a book. When she walks back into the living room, Harry is in the dungeons, baiting Severus. “ _Make me, if you can_ ,” Harry says and Lily stares in open horror, clutching her book to her chest. Because Lily has not seen this violence for some time. She had forgotten about it, really, until now - now that Severus is taking a belt to her son again. Making him count. 

Lily tosses her romance novel aside and runs for the closet where she hid her special study material. Of course, she had not turned off the telly, and by the time she reenters the room, Harry is on his knees and Severus is pulling out his cock. She has seen it in flashes, but never up close like this. Lily swallows and stares. 

Is it a crime to be curious? 

More horrifying still is when Severus asks Harry if he wants to be _used_ and Lily feels…Well. The idea of being used sexually is appalling, but hearing him say it like that was almost…

Arousing?

Lily gags and drops her book in a panic, looking around for the remote. By the time she finds it and points it at the screen, she gets an eyeful of her son’s mouthful of cock and the remote drops right out of her hand. 

So Lily leaves the telly on and flees the room.

* * *

Lily avoids the telly again for a while. James suspects, she can tell, but he says not a word. One morning it seems safe enough, to have breakfast with Harry. Lily fixes a large spread while James makes a space for it all in the living room. Only when they settle down to eat and turn on the telly, Severus is fucking Harry over a table, demanding he never lie again. Lily ducks out of the way as James upends their table, summoning a bat as he marches across the room. 

“Watch out for Harry!” Lily calls out, cringing, as James smashes it over and over.

“I can’t - kill him -” James pants, “but when he - dies - I’m going to - _strangle_ him!”

“Oh dear.”

“Greasy - no good - evil - scum!” James kicks the mess he’s made and spins around to his wife, waving the bat around wildly. “What else has he done?”

“James, no.”

“Has he hit him again?” When Lily doesn’t speak, James growls. “I should have let Remus eat him.”

“James!”

* * *

James watches Harry’s channel with Lily more often after that. He mutters mutinously through every Defense class, rather ruining a time Lily had come to enjoy. James looks for signs that Harry is unhappy, or scared, or in pain. He rages that no teacher, no student, not one person in all of Hogwarts sees what is happening. Or worse, if they do, they stay silent. 

It’s Lily who writes to Sirius, urging him to make more plans with James. It gives her a few nights a week to watch Harry with Severus alone. If she times it just right, she catches them being sweet. If she’s unlucky, she sees more of her son than she would like, but she’s become a pro with the power button. 

And one night, Lily hears her name. 

Hears her son asking about her. 

Lily pulls her knees up to her chest and hugs them. She is uncomfortable, and sad, and scared. But Severus is kind. Kinder than she feels she deserves. Lily smiles when he calls her ‘meticulous’, because she’s heard ‘talented’ and ‘kind’, but ‘meticulous’ is different, and she likes it. Then Harry asks if Severus loved her, and Severus says he did, and Lily is surprised by the tightness in her throat. 

“I loved you, too,” she mouths against her cotton pajamas. 

Lily had loved him dearly. She stayed with him as long as she could, though he fell in with a rough crowd. Oh how she tried to pull him onto the right path. It had not helped. And in the end, the only thing Lily could do was let go. She had not been wrong, really, but she felt responsible when he became a Death Eater. Even now she looks at him and wonders if she had really done all she could have for him.

In the end, though, Severus was his own person, and he had made his own choices. Bad ones. Lily hates him, a little, for what he did - for putting her son in danger, for being the reason she and James are dead. She had not known, until now, that he was the one. It does not matter, much. Because the deed is done, and there is no changing it. Because Severus regrets it. Because it’s haunted him all these years. She can see it and hear it, and cannot hate him as much as she wants to.

“Oh, Sev,” Lily sighs, not bothering to wipe away her tears as she watches them kiss.

* * *

Though Lily does not approve, there is nothing she can do. Over time, she finds herself appreciating how open and free Harry is with Severus. It is only when James joins her, muttering, that Lily remembers how awful it is. 

So caught up is she with her son’s life, she sneaks out of Marlene’s Christmas party to check in on him. Just for a quick look, because Slughorn’s party is tonight, and Harry is going with a friend. James is good and drunk, singing carols with Fabian, when she leaves, and she knows she is safe. Lily smiles and pours a glass of red wine, and hums as she clicks the remote.

“ _How many of these would you like_?” Severus asks.

The wineglass falls to the floor. 

“No,” Lily gasps. 

Severus is beating him with a switch - her son is bound hand and foot, is helpless against the wall, and Severus is hitting him. Lily does not have the mind for magic. Instead she runs from the room, hunting for something - anything - heavy enough. She runs back in with a hammer, and trips over the hem of her dress robes. Harry’s back is an explosion of color by the time she returns. She wails. She aims for Severus’s face when she hits the screen.

“STOP IT! YOU STOP IT! YOU’RE HURTING HIM, SEVERUS! STOP! PLEASE, SEV, STOP! YOU HAVE TO STOP!” 

It doesn’t matter that Harry asked for it. Harry is a child. He is a wounded, desperate boy. And Severus is supposed to protect him, not beat him. He is supposed to care for Harry, and she foolishly thought he did, until now. 

Though she does not, really, want to see more, Lily rushes for one of the spares. She does not bother levitating it into the living room. She sits on her knees to set it up on the floor of the guest room. Her hands tremble the whole time, but she swallows back every scream that climbs up her throat, because there is no time to fall apart just now. 

When the screen flickers on, Severus is fucking her son. He’s fucking him hard, and rough, as if he hasn’t damaged him enough for one night. Harry is moaning into the bed, and Severus is holding his head down, and Lily picks up the hammer - she wants very much to bash his face in again, but she does not. She tosses the hammer aside, because she has to see, has to be sure Harry is okay. 

She is beyond crying when Severus tells Harry that he loves him. Her chest feels caved in, and her heart has fallen out of reach. 

Severus has hurt her son - has hurt him badly - has been using his body. But when he tells Harry he loves him, Lily believes him.

* * *

Lily does not sleep. She watches Harry and Severus all night, until James walks through the door. He is half drunk when he finds her, but her sobers up quickly. Because she is leaning against the telly, her face pale and her eyes red. 

“Severus Snape is in love with our son,” Lily croaks. “And he beats him.” 

“He - again?” James’s hands ball into fists, but just as quickly releases them. “Come on, Lily…Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you to bed, yeah?”

* * *

The Potters watch the Burrow obsessively. In the beginning it is fun. No danger to be seen, no Severus, just their son with his surrogate family. Then Remus visits, and it shocks Harry. Upsets him, even. Lily and James are confused, because it seemed that Harry liked Remus, before. Through conversation, they learn what they missed. At least one person has been looking out for their son. Lily and James share a sad smile, because it warms the heart, though it has done no good. If only Remus could see beneath Harry’s jumper, at the mess Severus has made of him. 

They shout when the Minister takes Harry outside. They wonder why the Weasleys allow this. “He would bloody show up,” James mutters bitterly when Severus arrives. They cry out in alarm when the Weasleys allow Harry and Severus privacy - leaving a depraved man alone with a confused child. And Harry is kissing Severus. And begging. And when Severus digs his nails into their son, Lily sucks in a sharp breath. James roars. He moves to stand, but Lily grabs him, holds him still, because they need to see. 

They see Remus’s suspicions, and wish he could do more. They see Harry and Severus part, and James scoffs in disgust. Lily’s heart betrays her, softening when Severus touches her boy’s chin. She should want to snap his fingers clean off, the way James does, but can’t quite muster the indignation. Her heart betrays her further when Harry reads her letters, and Lily is touched that Severus kept them, and grateful he shared them. But Harry is crying, crying so brokenly, and they cannot reach him. So Lily and James hold each other instead, and cry alongside him. 

And when Harry takes four Dreamless Sleep, it feels like dying all over again. 

Lily and James do not move all night or all day. They do not eat. They do not sleep. They do not respond to the pounding on the door. They watch their son lying in bed like a corpse. Watch Severus and Molly and others fret over his prone form. Lily and James do not speak aloud, the parts of them that hope Harry walks through their door. He would be better off, would he not, away from the world that wants so much from him. Away from Severus. They are not proud of this, for they want more for their boy to live a full life. They want so much for him. And they are, in fact, relieved when Harry wakes. James squeezes her hand and she kisses his cheek and they smile at each other tiredly. 

Bill and Remus both speak up, both seeing what others do not, or choose not to. Lily and James are too wrung out to care much about this. Harry and Severus lie, and Dumbledore…

“He doesn’t…know…does he?” James asks quietly. 

A prickle of unease hits even as Lily shakes her head. “He can’t. Dumbledore would never allow this to happen.” 

If he knew, he certainly would not have allowed Severus to take Harry back to Hogwarts, just the two of them. James moves to turn off the screen when they get into bed, but Lily stops him. James does not ask why, but he also does not leave. They sit and watch the shadows on the wall, listening to their lovemaking. 

Lily is not sure how she has any tears left, but they come. Severus is so soft with Harry, but Harry does not want his softness. He is afraid, and confused, and she hears it in his voice. Harry does not know how to be loved properly. 

Perhaps Severus does not know how to love properly, either.

And Harry loves Severus, he says. “ _But - everyone - I love - **leaves**._” For a second, Lily thinks the sob is her own, but it is James who has a hand clamped over his mouth, tears streaming down his face. Lily is crying, too, grabbing his face to kiss his temple. 

Because they had not wanted to leave Harry. They would trade anything at all to be with him now. But still they had left.

And it is their fault, isn’t it, that Harry is like this. 

He would be fine, and he would be normal, if they were with him now.

* * *

They sleep on the couch and wake up with the telly still on. They watch Dumbledore visit. Remus has done the right thing, in going to the Board of Governors, and yet Lily and James share panicked looks. Dumbledore has done the wrong thing, for it appears he has known all along - knows now, as he coaches Harry through his testimony. “ _He was in love with my mother_ ” Harry lies, and Lily wants to laugh, but can’t. 

“Maybe this will be done, then,” James says as Harry waits. Lily does not speak, but their eyes meet, and James shakes his head. For James’s tone betrayed him, and the look in Lily’s eyes betrays her. “No, Lily. This isn’t right. Even if…it doesn’t matter. It’s wrong.”

It seems impossible that the Board of Governors can let this go, but they do. Severus returns to Harry. That is when they finally turn it off, and sit side by side in silence.

* * *

The Potters do not discuss matters. And they do not tune into The Harry Show for days. They are both confused, and ashamed, and overwhelmed. They have become too invested in an immoral relationship. They want so badly for their son to be happy, that they can almost condone what Severus is doing to him. They can almost believe that love is the only thing that matters. 

“Remus won’t let up,” James says out of the blue one day. “It can’t go on forever.”

“You’re right,” Lily eagerly agrees. 

That very night, they turn on the telly, and Harry is sleeping beside Severus. James only sighs as Lily kneels down to whisper, “Goodnight, Harry. Goodnight, Sev.” James stands beside her, and it’s he who holds the remote. They both pause to watch as Harry slips out of bed. And when Harry returns and asks Severus to make love to him, James does not press the button. 

And they realize, then, that somehow, Harry has found all of the things they want for him. He is happy. He is safe. He is loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: Constant corresponds to Part 2: Steady


	3. Desolate

Life is calm, for a time. Or as calm as things ever are in the world of Harry Potter. Bit by bit, James breaks Lily’s addiction to the telly. She no longer shares every meal with her son, nor does she attend his every class. The Potters explore the afterlife as they have not in many years. They reacquaint themselves with one another, and with their friends. They discover new hobbies.

But Lily still tunes in for every Defense class. She and James both view every game. And a few nights a week, she risks looking in on Harry’s time with Severus. They fight, she sees, and discuss _colors_ the next night. For this, Lily digs out her special books.

Harry has lessons with Dumbledore that give Lily a sense of foreboding. And she is disturbed by his suspicions of the Malfoy boy. And he looks at Severus too much, really. Lily wants to tell him to stop it, that someone might notice. Then reminds herself that she wants someone to notice, she does. 

But Dumbledore notices, and says nothing. And while Bill and Remus have noticed, it has not helped. And while Hermione notices, she swallows lies. 

And when Sirius notices, it’s when Harry has a cock stuffed down his throat, and there’s nothing he can do about it, besides. 

Lily and James are in the kitchen cleaning when Sirius shouts for them. He had not shown any interest in a telly before, so they had not anticipated him looking. When they enter the room, Sirius is pointing wild-eyed at the screen. James flinches away, cursing Sirius as Severus says to Harry, “ _You just like to **take it**. You just want to **please me**_.” Lily stares longer than she means to, noting the wrists pinned down, the heels digging in, and how _it’s really all the way in there_. 

James snaps her out of it by a tug on the arm and a glare. Sirius is shouting, kicking the telly over, stomping on the screen. Lily touches her throat thoughtfully. This gesture intrigues James, but Sirius’s drama spoils the mood.

* * *

“He might be Imperiused!” suggests Sirius.

“Harry can resist the Imperius,” Lily reminds him smugly.

“Well, then, he might be drugged!” 

“You know, I actually never thought of that.” James perks up hopefully. 

“Sev is not drugging him!” Lily snaps. “They’re in love!”

“Love!” Sirius sputters. “What sort of nonsense are you on about?” He cackles meanly. “Who could love Snivellus?”

Sirius does not take it well. He rants and raves half the night about how everyone has lost their bloody minds. Sirius says nothing they have not thought before, but when he accuses them of not caring, James jumps in to do battle. Lily leaves them to it and pours herself a glass of wine, and takes her study books to bed.

* * *

In the morning, Lily joins Harry and Severus for breakfast. When Harry mentions his throat being sore, Lily chokes on her toast and struggles to listen through the subsequent coughing. Harry mentions _marrying him_ , which he is certainly too young to be thinking about. Lily is disappointed she missed Harry’s spark show, and wonders if there is a rewind function. Harry kisses Severus’s cheek as he leaves, and summons roses for him as a Valentine gift. 

“Aww!” 

“What are we ‘aww’ing?” James asks. It is time for Harry’s practice, so he joins her giddily. 

“Harry and Sev are being sweet,” Lily replies. 

“Hmm.”

* * *

There is, in fact, a rewind function. While James is away, Lily consults the user manual and returns to the night before. She plays the whole scene, for context, which appears to be a mistake. The way Severus orders him to his knees, and threatens to hit him so casually, and asks for his color. Lily is uncomfortable and confused, and she turns her eyes to the wall for a time, only listening. In the quiet of the room, she can hear the wetness, the struggle to take, and the slaps. Every slap has Lily jumping in startlement. And Harry says “ _green_ ” which is “ _more_ ” and Lily does not understand why. If James slapped her, she would divorce him at best, and set him on fire at worst. 

For _more_ , they move to the bedroom, and Lily remembers this part. She observes Harry’s hands, where they’re wrapped around Severus, tugging him in and pushing him back, as needed. Her eyes drift when she hears to her baby cough and choke. One trembling hand slips over her mouth, the other clutches the remote in her lap, thumb hovering over the power button. Yet she waits, because she likes how gentle and patient Severus is, rather than holding Harry down and ramming in with no care. Lily shivers at the thought. 

It’s Harry who drops his hands to the bed, when he’s ready, and Severus seizes them. Lily watches those hands, at the way they twitch and tense and grasp. And when Severus asks for his color, Harry gives it - green sparks crackling sharply to life. And it's beautiful. And more beautiful still, when the white appears. So beautiful that Lily briefly forgets its erotic nature. Her heart is racing in her chest, eyes wide and unblinking on her son’s hands. And when Severus tells him to beg, there are more sparks - a riot of color and white froth that has Lily gasping. 

Then she hears the key in the lock, and jabs the button, grabbing the book nearest her. James frowns at her reading material, but she thinks he would rather her learn from a book than the telly.

* * *

Lily does not like Harry’s extra lessons. Not Dumbledore’s stories of Tom Riddle, and not Severus coaching breathing and visualization. These teachings remind her of Harry’s unlucky lot in life, fated to end this terrible war. Both leave her uneasy, sensing danger on the horizon. Maybe it is best to prepare him, but Lily thinks it would be better still if they gave this role to someone - anyone - else. 

Lily does not like Ron nearly dying, nor how useless old Sluggy is. She certainly does not like Harry blaming himself, nor his desperation to be punished. 

Lily tunes out, at this point, because she does not want to see what Severus’s “help” looks like. 

Lily certainly does not like seeing her son attacked midair. James takes a beater’s bat to McLaggen’s face, and Lily regrets that the brute cannot feel every strike. 

At least Severus is with Harry. He checks on Harry, and he deals with McLaggen, and that Lily likes very much.

* * *

Dumbledore’s errand for Harry infuriates Lily, but she is entertained by his handling of it. Using the very potion Slughorn gave him, against him. Under Felix's influence, Harry cleverly manipulates his professor using his fondness for Lily. Though Slughorn is fairly pathetic as far as wizards go, she can’t help but be warmed by the man’s words, and knowing the impact she has left on the living. 

James is distracted during this, locked away in the attic with a Muggle arcade game bought off of Fabian. Lily thought of calling him down, but there is always the rewind button. And when Harry reenters the castle, Lily is glad she did not ask James to join her. Because she knows what Harry will do now, still high on Felix. 

Why wouldn’t a teenager use Lucky Potion for sex? 

And Lily…Well, Lily is not ready to call it a night. 

Green eyes flick up to the ceiling, ears pricking for the arcade music. Her pulse is picking up pace, face and neck heating as her gaze drops back to the show. Mind buzzing, Lily hops up to grab supplies - a glass of wine, a plate of cheese and dark chocolate, one of her books, and a fuzzy blanket. As she collects these items, she can hear her son annoying his lover, and she giggles nervously to herself. 

Harry wants Severus to do terrible things to him. This is not the first time Lily has this thought, but the realization always shocks her. He wants whatever it is, and Lily is trying to learn, with her books. But books can only teach so much. So if Lily watches, maybe, and tries to keep an open mind while doing so…

“ _How about you tie me up and use me like a toy?_ ” her son requests with a bright smile. Lily giggles again, sipping her wine. 

Severus is so taken with her son, as he should be. Her heart is so warm and full, seeing that look in his eyes. And it’s so strange the way he says, “ _You’re depraved. Marry me._ ” It’s strange, but they are a strange couple, and Lily can’t help but grin and a hand to her chest. 

From a proposal to binding the boy in leather. 

A very strange couple indeed. 

Lily does not understand why anyone would enjoy being restrained in such a way, but it is very clear to her that Harry enjoys it immensely. Prompts for it, really. “ _How about my legs?_ ” and “ _What about my mouth, though?_ ” Lily is disappointed that Harry is not gagged - and she is not sure if it’s because she does not want to hear him, or because she’s curious about it. 

She squirms in her seat, feeling warm and uncomfortable, gulping too much wine too fast. They talk a lot during their liaisons, Lily has noticed. Now she wonders…because it is awfully sexy, isn’t it? Severus has always had such a delicious voice, well-suited to threats and romance alike, but she has never considered what that voice could do in the bedroom. 

Merlin, what would she even say? She would only embarrass James and herself, wouldn’t she? 

Severus striking Harry with a cane pulls her back to the present, which is well and good, because this is what Lily wants. She squirms again, and her discomfort is less pleasant this time. She can hear the slap of cane to flesh and Lily nearly tumbles off of the couch when Harry cries out. Her baby is all tied up, legs held open by the bar, having to lay there and take it while a grown man hits him. 

But he doesn’t have to, Lily reminds herself, because he asked for this. Because he can use his red sparks at any moment. Harry is tied up because he wants to be, and Severus is hitting him because Harry wants him to. If Lily cannot understand why he likes it, she is starting to understand that he does. 

With her wine gone, Lily stuffs small blocks of cheese into her mouth, more out of nerves than hunger. Lily knows she should turn off the telly as Severus tosses the cane aside, now that he’s opening his trousers. Now that Harry is begging to be fucked. But Lily is riveted. “ _You just love being **put in your place**_ ,” Severus says.

Lily shifts and whispers, “Oh dear.” 

The idea of two men fucking has never intrigued her until now, and it is difficult to look away. They are both so intense, and share such vibrant chemistry; they feed on each other’s lust, burning hotter and hotter. They’re a volcanic eruption and Lily isn’t sure how either withstands it, and she isn’t sure how no one else feels the aftershocks. 

Harry’s inability to accept flattery is disheartening, but Severus’s words distract from this. “ _If I want to praise you, I will. And you’re going to **take it** like you take everything else._.” Lily is chewing on her lip, dark chocolate melting clutched in her hand. “ _You take it, Harry. **Take it**_.” Lily swallows. “ _Take my devotion like you take my cock. All the way._.” Lily’s mouth falls open. Nothing makes sense for several long seconds as her brain attempts to reboot. In this time, she misses the sound of James running downstairs.

“Lily, you should see - _what the fuck, Lily_!” With a wave of his wand, James vanishes the telly and Lily shrieks, “No!”

Her face is bright red, and she is too flustered to make excuses, or to shout at him. James is just staring at her for a time, but he recovers faster than she does.

“What the hell, Lily? That is - that is so fucked up!” 

“I - I -” Lily stammers. “Someone has to keep an eye on him!”

“Not like that!”

Normally it is James in the wrong, and James causing trouble, and Lily steering him straight. Never in her life has Lily felt so humiliated or ashamed, and the way James is staring at her makes her feel even lower. That’s her son, for one thing, and sex is private between any two people. She has no right to spy on them, however curious or concerned she is. 

“Oh god,” Lily groans. “Do you think our parents ever watched us have sex?” 

“No,” James mutters. “Our parents were all sane, weren’t they?”

* * *

Though Lily is itching to return to her program, she does not set up a new telly. She reads more of her books instead, and becomes quite careless with them. This leads to another round of embarrassment when Dorcas and Sirius join them for dinner, and Dorcas examines one of the books. 

“Oh…I’m sorry!” Dorcas mumbles, hastily stuffing the book back onto the shelf. 

Sirius grins and nudges James. “Aha! Spicing things up, then, Prongs?” 

James is irritated for a time, but it melts away. His wife is so pink, and so quiet, and avoids eye contact. In fact, he feels rather guilty for his own behavior, so he kisses her nose and tugs her into his lap and tickles her sides. Because he loves her very much, even if she is a pervert. 

Thankfully, Sirius never learned just how kinky Harry and Severus are, and is happy to assume his friends are up to no good. It is, in fact, best not to mention Harry or Severus around Sirius, lest one is willing to sit through a long winded diatribe about Death Eating rapists and stupid little boys, which invariably leads to a duel between old friends. Lily has been blissfully unaware of her husband defending their son’s honor, so caught up has she been in Harry’s life. So when conversation veers in the direction of their son, James shoots Sirius a warning glare that Sirius is wise enough to heed. 

When their guests leave, James sets up a new telly and suggests to Lily that they might make a date of Harry’s next match. Lily smiles and kisses him so sweetly for it that James is struck by the desire to bring her every telly in the afterlife.

* * *

Unfortunately, their date does not go as planned, for Harry is serving detention during the final game. They spend the afternoon flipping through older scenes, catching up on what they’ve missed. And what they missed was Harry attacking Draco Malfoy with the Prince’s curse. 

While life settles for a time, the air is thick with awful anticipation. They think of Horcruxes and curses and prophecy and war, and they worry. Then one day, weeks later, James checks on Harry, and shouts for his wife in panic. By the time Lily skids into the room, James is frowning grimly, wand pointed at the telly as it crashes into the floor over and over, leaving bits of metal and plastic behind. It was only a glimpse of Severus Snape on top of his son, with Harry sobbing beneath him, and it was more than James could bear. Lily shouts at him to stop, but he does not hear her. Blind and deaf, he marches into the guest room and waves his wand, sending all of the spares smashing into one another. He does not want to see, not ever again, what is being done to his boy when he cannot stop it. 

“James, what’s happened? James, stop! James, no! James! James, we have to - JAMES!”

James does not reply. There are no words inside of him, nothing at all but the block of ice in his belly, spreading into his chest and his head, to his arms and his legs. Because Sirius was right, had been right about Snape all along. And Lily, she had been wrong, hadn’t she, to think their love so precious. 

And James had been wrong, too. Lily had been right to accuse him of neglecting their son. He hadn’t watched as closely as she, because he foolishly decided to trust Snape with his child.

* * *

It takes over a month to get a new telly. And it is Sirius who delivers it, not the Prewetts. He brings an authorized television, one he requested after the initial incident. By the time it arrives, he is quite happy to donate it to the anxious parents.

No one says a word. When the door opens, Sirius holds out the box, and James accepts with a nod, then jerks his head in invitation. Lily fixes sandwiches as James sets it up, and the three sit together with their plates. In the living world, Harry is sobbing in the arms of his two friends. 

The authorized tellies are different from the black market ones, so they argue over the user manual and the remote. Only when Remus enters the scene do they pay attention. Remus, the lone Marauder left to protect Harry, and he is failing. James mutters when Remus offers to abandon his wife and child to join the trio’s quest, and it is Remus shouting “ _He raped you_!” that has him flying off of the couch to walk outside. He is not there to see Remus shaking Harry, or calling him names, or Ron’s punch, but Lily and Sirius’s exclamations draw him back inside. 

So they pause the show, and go back in time. They find the night that had so upset James. They skip through the sex for the conversation after. “ _There is something_ ,” Severus warns, “ _Something is going to happen. I will - have to do something._ ” And as they skip ahead, they learn ‘something’ is murdering Albus Dumbledore. ‘Something’ is abandoning Harry in a shower of red sparks, and rain. ‘Something’ is shattering their boy’s heart. 

Remus is there when Harry wakes, but Harry wants nothing to do with him. And Harry is upset when his bracelet is removed, and they do not understand why he would want it now. 

“Murdering, raping, Death Eating _scum_!” Sirius spits.

“I know,” James sighs. 

_He wouldn’t, he wouldn’t,_ Lily thinks. 

They skip through most of the Dursleys’ bit, though James and Sirius replay Harry beating Dudley several times. They skip through Harry’s escape from the Death Eaters, because they know he survives it, and it is much too stressful to watch. They stop again to see Remus shouting at Harry, and James shouts at the screen, “Hasn’t he been through enough, Moony?” They skip through the Burrow, and the wedding, and everything until Grimmauld Place. They skip ahead, and then go back, until they find the missing piece: Harry discovering yarrow in Severus’s old bed. 

A little yellow flower from his lost lover. 

Hermione thinks he is sorry, thinks that he loved Harry. James scoffs in disgust. Sirius begins to rant. Lily shushes them both so she can listen. 

Ron and Hermione are good friends for Harry. They always have been, and they prove themselves yet again as they listen to Harry tell his story. “ _No one understands what’s happened. To me - to **us** \- _.” They already seem to know, and accept, before Harry even speaks. Severus loved him, yes, and Harry loved him back, and if Severus warned Harry, he did not warn him enough. Harry had not seen this coming at all. “ _He left me. He left me. He -_ ” 

Sirius rubs his face, and James jumps up to pace the floor, and Lily sighs sadly, watching her poor boy cry again.

* * *

That night, Sirius sleeps in the guest room, which is spacious without the spare tellies. James cannot sleep, but he pretends to as Lily creeps out of the room. He does not follow her downstairs, where she sits in front of the new telly, user manual in her lap. 

Because Lily remembers something of the manual that never mattered until now. It is not just Harry they can see, but anyone they loved in life. It takes a while to work out the controls, but soon Lily is flipping channels. Petunia is there, and Remus is there, and yes, even Severus. 

Lily sits up all night, skipping back through time. Back to the night he left Harry. She almost cannot stand it, seeing him among the Death Eaters. But stand it she does. And when he is alone, she is grimly satisfied by the sound of his screaming. He should scream. He should be as shattered as Harry is, and was. 

When he meets with Voldemort, Lily nearly sicks up listening to him say, “ _I discovered, too, that he had a desire for - male attention. So, I gave it to him._ ” And again when Voldemort refers to her son as a ‘plaything.’ And offers him a new plaything. 

A pretty blond toy named Draco Malfoy.

Severus taunts the boy, but at least warns him. And Severus is still cruel when the boy comes to beg him for help - a teenage boy in hell, for Merlin’s sake. 

And while Lily could not see the memories Severus shared, she is sure that he is not a rapist. Still, there is a trickle of doubt that has her finger hovering over the forward button at the sight of Draco sitting on his bed. Because Draco Malfoy is a beautiful boy, and he is willing to be used, if it will save him from the others. 

But Severus is not a rapist, and Lily breathes easy. She breathes easy because Severus will protect this fragile child. And because he is protecting her fragile child, too, making Draco swear not to turn against their Harry.

Lily skips through Draco’s stripping, because it’s bad enough she’s seen her own son’s naked body. And she misses Severus hitting him that time, but she sees it other times. Severus and Draco work together to paint a very convincing portrait of abuse. Draco looks so pitiful - he has to, if he wants to survive. He must be so terrified, all of the time, and her maternal heart aches for him, and for his poor mother.

She sees Severus among the Death Eaters chasing her son. And she sees him tortured. She sees him leave the yarrow in the bed, and save Draco from a rapist, and kill the Minister. Lily mutters when he is rude to Draco, because the boy is suffering enough without this meanness. She skips ahead to Hogwarts, and the cactus, and the scotch. She watches him get into bed, then into the shower, and cry his heart out. 

So Lily cries with him. Her fingers brush the screen and she leans in to kiss his head, though he can’t feel it. “Oh, Sev,” she sniffles. “You do love him, you do.”

* * *

James joins her early the next morning. He looks to have gotten as much sleep as she has. 

“Snivellus,” he snarls at the screen.

“Shhh. Come sit,” Lily says. 

And she rewinds to that night, the one that sent James into a rage. She makes him watch from the beginning, makes him watch Harry ask Severus to fuck him, “ _In the bed, like a proper lover with nothing to hide_.” And the spell. 

“Severus never raped Harry,” Lily explains. “He would never hurt Harry, if he could help it.”

James sighs and shakes his head. “Lil.”

“He’s going to protect our son, Jamie,” Lily whispers. James snorts, so she adds, “His heart is broken.”

“Good.”

* * *

Time goes on, as it does. It is difficult, watching Harry and Severus, as sad as they are. As burdened as they are. So Lily and James go back to the beginning, and Sirius joins them. They witness a grief-stricken boy chase a bitter man. They see a strong man trying and failing to rebuff a very determined teenager. They see Dumbledore gift the bracelets, and grumble amongst themselves how Harry and Severus should be using those bracelets _now_. They skip all of the sex. The sex is not needed to see how they fell in love. 

Their story has not been easy, or pleasant, but there are good moments. Lily stretches out with her head in James’s lap, and her feet in Sirius’s, and smiles at how Harry cuddles up to Severus on their sofa. She coos as they hold each other in the dark, and as Harry explores Severus’s scars, and asks him questions. Lily loves her son all the more, for the way he loves her friend - accepting and admiring a man who has never experienced such care. 

Neither has really known love, before.

“This doesn’t make sense,” Sirius sighs after a while. The days have all blurred together, and none of them know how long they’ve been on that couch, obsessed with the living. 

“Yes it does,” James grunts. “You just don’t want to admit it.”

“Don’t be so stubborn, Padfoot,” says Lily. “If we can accept it, so can you.”

* * *

Dorcas and Marlene and Gideon and Fabian all pay separate visits. They are concerned, they say. The three make their excuses, then gather their snacks, and continue to binge. Backwards and forwards, stopping on what seems important, going back if they miss vital information. They make it through Ron’s abandonment, and Portrait Dumbledore’s instructions, the attack in Godric’s Hollow, Severus leaving the sword. And when Lily sees the doe Patronus she breathes, “My god.”

“What is it?” James asks worriedly. 

Lily laughs. “They can’t be…”

“What? Tell us!” Sirius demands.

“I’ll - tell you if he doesn’t figure it out. I wouldn’t want to spoil it.”

* * *

It is food left for three starving children that puts Harry and Severus back in contact. They watch this from Severus’s channel, because they cannot read the bracelets, and at least Severus has to speak his lines aloud. Lily sniffles when Severus whispers, “ _You’re so thin_ ”, because he is, her sweet boy. He’s always been so thin. Starved by her sister, and starving now because of this awful quest. 

Three teenagers on their own, hunting Horcruxes, to defeat a powerful villain. 

“Do you think,” Lily begins, eying Dumbledore’s portrait.

“Hmm?” says James.

“Dumbledore. Do you think he’s…here?” she finishes.

They turn around to look at the door, as though he will be standing there. It would be so like him, would it not? But he is not. James and Sirius share a look, then stand as one. 

“Keep an eye on Harry, love,” James says. “We’ll be back.”

* * *

They return empty handed. No one has seen or heard from Dumbledore since his death. This does not mean, necessarily, that Dumbledore is not among them. Dumbledore is a slippery old man, with too much brains and too much talent. He might be there, but they hope not. They hope he’s rotting in Hell, to be frank. 

“They’ve only talked. Harry’s angry. He was about to ‘chimera’ him, but I paused it,” Lily explains. “I - didn’t want to see it alone.”

Because Lily is not sure what to expect from Harry. If seeing his lover will break this bitterness, if one look will send him flying into Severus’s arms; or if he will instead fly into violent fury, hitting and cursing. When Severus appears in the snow, Harry is thin and cold and warning Severus not to touch him. Lily is not sure how much more her bruised heart can take. She is glad she waited for James and Sirius, for they crowd around her, sheltering her.

“ _You p-promised me. How c-could you - d-do this_?” 

His pain has been so unbearable. No wonder they lost themselves in the past, rather than face this desolation. It was wrong, Lily knows, because they are meant to be his witnesses. At some point they had abandoned their duty, because it was too much. So how much more devastating must it be for Harry? 

Her sweet, innocent baby is an ocean of despair, and it spills across the snow, and out of the screen, and it drags them all under. This - this agony they had tasted, and had driven them to happier times. Easy for them to hide away in his past, however troubled, leaving him as he is now: alone, and unseen. 

Severus is holding him, and speaking to him, and warming him up, but Harry does not allow contact for long. He is unkind, which no one can blame him for. And Severus is contrite. But he is also honest, now, spilling truth to the ground like an offering. 

His pain, too, has been immense. He is so different where he sits with Harry now. All of his regret has stripped him bare, and he does not grab for his armor, but bows willingly - even longingly - to retribution. 

It is an attitude he maintains each visit. All of his harshness has been tempered beneath self-flagellation. Harry, in turn, is merciless. He is distant, and cold, and rude. But he tells him, in the beginning, tells him, “ _I don’t like you like this._ ”…” _All…guilty._ ” So Lily wants to scream at Severus - that he isn’t being what Harry wants, or what Harry needs. That Harry needs him to put his foot down and take control. Harry needs him sharp and fierce. 

At least Severus is making nice enough with Harry’s friends, as he brings them food and news. That seems important. They are the people who love Harry most, among the living. And if Harry ever gets over his hurt, it will matter that the two halves of his life have united. 

Matters appeared so promising when Harry let Severus kiss his cheek, and Lily had sighed hopefully. As the weeks passed by, though, they became stagnant. Just this mean Harry and this pathetic Severus tormenting one another. Because what had once been so easy, is now disrupted. For even their animosity had been a dance, and here they are stumbling, never finding rhythm. 

Hermione sees this, too. The way she looks at them, studies them, Lily hopes she will knock sense into them. Even James and Sirius grumble about stupid men needing to just kiss and makeup, already. They clearly love and miss one another. Haven’t they been apart long enough? 

Neither man reminds Lily what she promised to tell them, so she excitedly slaps their legs when Hermione mentions the doe Patronus. A bowl of popcorn and the remote slide out of her lap to the floor. “This is it!” 

“This is what?” Sirius asks, perking up. 

“Listen.” 

Hermione rather dances around the point, so that Lily is vibrating with urgency, and she might shout it out herself if she doesn’t get there soon. Lily wishes she can see Severus’s face when Harry mentions his Patronus, and knows she will go to his channel later, just for this. For now, Hermione finally says it: “ _You’re soulmates, you thick prat._ ”

“No!” and “What?” Sirius and James shout. 

“Neither of you is very studious _or_ very romantic,” Lily mutters fondly. “It’s Patronus lore. Matching Patronuses makes you soulmates, doesn’t it?”

“I dunno, _does_ it?” James asks. 

Hermione and Ron are bickering in the background, and Lily can see the truth light up within Harry, so she waves off her husband and friend, not wanting to miss a thing. Lily grins when he walks outside, and he says “ _Chimera_ ” like she knew he would. But she did not foresee him shoving and shouting at Severus. 

“Oh!” she gasps.

“Tell him who’s boss, Harry!” Sirius cheers. 

“Shh!” Lily flaps her hand at him. 

Harry hates Severus, he says, but they all know he doesn’t mean it and then Harry is kissing him. “Oh no, oh no, GO, GO NOW!” Lily shrieks just as Hermione is urging Ron back into their tent. Lily jumps to her feet, grabs an arm in each hand, and hauls the men up to push them towards the attic. “Arcade. Play. Now.”

“Oh no, they’re going to fuck, aren’t they?” Sirius complains.

“Yes, so _move_!”

A few minutes later, when Lily offers to get snacks, it’s very innocent. She only steals a glance at the screen. The words “ _Missed fucking me, have you? Missed coming inside me? **Answer me**_ ” come from her sweet boy’s mouth as he rides cock. Lily clears her throat and darts into the kitchen. Taking her time, she loads a tray with popcorn and biscuits and bottles of juice, but they are still going when she emerges. She is just in time to hear that sultry voice say, “ _It feels good to submit, doesn’t it?_ ” and she nearly drops the tray. “ _You’ve been pushing me back, but all you really wanted was to be **under me**. Isn’t that right?_” So she runs back upstairs, but as she goes, catches a glimpse of a man on top of a boy, hand at his throat, and there is a flutter in her midsection. 

James and Sirius are happily ensconced in their game, the threat of sex forgotten. For a time, Lily watches, and when enough time has passed she dares to fetch more juice. Halfway down the stairs she hears her son’s voice, “ _…it’ll be so easy. I’m still so open._ ” so she runs back to the attic and curses her curiosity. 

Her second attempt is safer. There is silence as she tip-toes to the living room. And on screen her son is examining his marks in the back of a spoon. 

There was a time when seeing her son like that - with scratches and bruises marring his pale flesh - would have horrified her. Infuriated her. Scandalized her. She would not say she is unbothered by the sight, but she can appreciate it all the same. Because the look on Harry’s face as he admires them is worth it, however weird it may be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3: Desolate, corresponds to Part 3: Solace


	4. Finale

To celebrate the happy couple’s reunion, Lily and James and Sirius share brunch at a nearby diner. Dorcas serves them, teasing about how they've hidden for so long. “Bit of a telly addiction, then?” she laughs. “Fabian was going to send the lot of you to a T.A. meeting if you didn’t come out soon.”

“T.A.?” Sirius mouths.

“Tele-holics Anonymous,” James whispers. 

Over pancakes and milkshakes, Lily gladly tells them all she knows of Patronus lore. The concept of soulmates has always been widely debated, and it has never occurred her to verify in the afterlife. Surely if such a thing exists, the administration knows. Maybe soulmates have special privileges. Two for one pancakes on Sundays, or the like. 

Whether or not souls really had missing halves, Lily thinks the two men were fated to be together. If fate could hand Harry the weight of the world, it could hand him the love of a great man. 

“So they might _not_ be soulmates, then?” Sirius asks, face falling. For Sirius views this differently than they do. He is grasping at straws as he reminds them that Harry is only a boy. A good, sweet, vulnerable boy. And Severus is a man. A greedy, vicious, manipulative man. The Potters frown at one another, because Sirius is not wrong, even if he’s not exactly right. And while Lily can accept matters, however inappropriate they are, James appears torn. So she takes his hand in hers, and wishes she had better arguments to shut Sirius down. But she doesn’t. She can’t put her stamp of approval on student-teacher affairs. What can she say? _It’s different with Harry and Severus_? It is true, but it sounds flimsy, and she knows it. 

Only when Sirius sinks to disparaging Severus for his looks - for greasy hair and hooked nose - does James put his foot down. “Sirius,” he says firmly. “Stop.” Sirius keeps on, but James points his fork at him. “Don’t talk about him like that, Sirius. I mean it.”

So Lily kisses his cheek and rests her head on his shoulder.

* * *

One day Harry and his friends are captured by Snatchers. They are not long at Malfoy Manor, but it’s long enough for Hermione to suffer grueling torture, and for Harry’s little elf friend to die. To make matters worse, to Lily, their safe house is under Fidelius, meaning Harry and Severus cannot meet.

“You need to sort your priorities,” James sighs. “Fidelius means he’s safe. Also…do you _want_ to watch them go at it?”

“No, not exactly,” Lily sighs. Then reddens and flaps her hands. “No, I only mean - I don’t want to watch, only they’ve just reunited and now they’re apart again.”

James chuckles as he wraps an arm around her, tugging her closer. “You are both disturbing and adorable, you know?”

“No,” Lily pouts.

James kisses her temple and nudges her face with his nose until she looks at him. Her cheeks are still flushed, making her eyes all the greener. “Besides, they have their bracelets. And they’re talking. That’s better, yeah?”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

* * *

Worse still is Sirius barging downstairs one day, and receiving an unfortunate look at Severus Snape lying in bed, stroking his cock. Lily is on the couch beneath a pile of blankets and pillows, jerking awake at Sirius’s alarmed cry. Looking between Sirius and the telly, her face burns, and Sirius is running upstairs before she can explain that she was napping. 

On screen, Severus is speaking, wand at his bracelet, talking to Harry while he - 

He’s really quite good at that, Lily thinks, and regretfully turns off the telly.

* * *

With Harry safely ensconced at Shell Cottage, it is easier to tear themselves away from the screen, away from the musty couch, out of the stuffiness of four walls. Fresh air kisses their skin, the sun a warm embrace. By night the moon beams down at them joyfully. 

Lily and James lay side by side in the cool grass, fingers laced, faces towards the twinkling stars overhead. It is peaceful, with their neighbors asleep and Harry safe and they are together. James takes her hand and kisses her palm. She strokes her fingers down his jaw and tilts his face towards hers.

“When I was alive, there was a saying,” she whispers, because she’s been thinking about it for some time, and James is the only person she wants to tell, “-and I do not know if Wizards have this, but - they tell you your loved ones, the ones who have passed, are always watching over you. That they are your guardian angels, and they are always with you.” His nose brushes hers, and his hazel eyes are soft in the moonlight. “But we are not there, and we cannot guard him. But we can watch him. We can see him. And maybe if I love him enough, he’ll feel it. And if he’s hurt, maybe I can share it. And if I’m proud - as proud as I am right now - maybe he’ll know it.”

James’s lips curl slowly as she speaks into a broad grin. Hazel eyes are lit up, but not by amusement - by something _more_. When he kisses her, her heart skips a beat. And her toes curl. And her stomach swoops, like he’s sweeping her away with him into the wind. 

He does not need to spank her or cuff her to excite her. It’s just who he is.

And Lily has not felt this alive since she died.

* * *

“Is he serious?” James demands when Remus asks Harry to be godfather.

“No, I am,” Sirius deadpans.

“I hate you,” Lily sighs. 

It is strange, since their relationship has been so strained. And because Harry is so young. And bears so much responsibility as it is. But they cannot help but be relieved when Harry accepts, because Remus is their family. The last Marauder. Lily and James want them to mend that bridge, and they hope and hope that Remus will see sense, one day. And that Harry will forgive him. And understand that Remus was only trying to help. 

That Remus was the only one who cared enough to try. 

They speak, at least, outside. Harry is so sure, and so firm. He defends himself, and his lover, and their relationship. “ _He **never did anything to me that I did not want him to do**._.” Sirius cringes, though he doesn’t know the half of it, and James cringes, because he does. Lily, who knows the whole of it, sits straighter between them, and smiles. The way he says it so plainly fits all of the pieces together. Whatever the books told her, whatever the pornography implied, it is his words that sink it all in. “- _who, exactly, is in charge of what I do with my own body._ ” 

Harry is in charge, with his seduction and his sparks. Her Harry, her warrior of a boy. He is not so easily pushed around, not if he doesn’t want to be.

* * *

Days pass, visiting friends by day and catching up on important events by night. For a time, this includes romance, which James suffers graciously as Lily sighs and coos. Severus was always rather poetic, and their son deserves poetry, in Lily’s humble opinion. 

For a time, this involves Severus helping Draco with his Occlumency. Lily does not know this boy, or his family, really, but she has become invested in him. Even James is involved, with comments about how Draco must work harder. “Come now, James. This is a very difficult art. What he’s managed is impressive as it is.” 

“But it’s not enough, is it?” James retorts grimly. 

But it is enough, because one day they are put to the test. Lily and James watch in horror as Voldemort demands they kiss, and requests a show. Lily runs to the kitchen, afraid they will have no choice. That there will be rape, for the both of them, until James calls out that it’s safe, they’re fine. 

So Lily rejoins him on the couch, and watches a young boy fall apart. And a man not well suited to comfort. “Hey, now, watch it!” James cries at the screen as Lily shrieks, “He is a _child_ , Severus!” But it is enough. Severus and Draco are both safe, but neither Lily nor James rests easy. 

It is a stark reminder of how horrifying war really is.

* * *

They are not prepared for the most horrifying part of all.

“ _As long as you tell him what he must do_ ,” Albus’s portrait says one day. And the world within them and around them falls away. “ _It is his unrivaled capacity to love that will give him the strength to sacrifice himself._ ” 

There are no words, no tears, nothing but James grabbing the remote and Lily the user manual. Backwards in time, back and back. “ _He cannot survive. In fact, he must not._ ” and “ _He cannot be saved_.” 

A piece of Voldemort’s soul, embedded in their only child.

Horcruxes.

Prophecy. 

“No, no…No, no, no,” James mutters, jabbing at buttons. Lily drifts out of the room. She lies in bed and feels nothing, even as her body shakes.

* * *

Lily will not hear a word of it. And she will not look at the telly. She sits out in the garden all day. She plucks petals off of daisies as she watches butterflies and bees flit around. She smiles for passersby, and replies to greetings, but the light has gone out and no one knows why. 

When she comes in at night, the guest room door is ajar. James has been redecorating it. Red and gold bedclothes. And a Gryffindor banner. Quidditch posters on the wall. A new broom in one corner. The niffler plush he had as a baby sits near the pillows. 

It is bright and homey and welcoming.

And it looks like a grave.

* * *

They are not ready when Ted Tonks bangs on their door shouting “Battle’s starting! It’s coming!” He runs down the street still shouting as James flies to the telly. “James, no!” Lily shouts. 

“Lily, sit down!” James snaps. Red rimmed eyes glare at him as he flops onto the couch and pats the cushion beside him. On screen Severus is with Voldemort, surrounded by corpses, and despite herself Lily moves forward and sinks down beside her husband. 

“They’re both going to die,” she whispers hoarsely.

“We don’t know that,” James retorts. 

In Ravenclaw Tower, Severus tortures a Carrow for hurting their son. “You get him, Snape!” James cheers. And he laughs when Harry and Severus are distracted by one another, kissing in front of the Lovegood girl. He laughs and squeezes Lily, who manages a small smile. 

Back and forth they flip between Harry’s and Severus’s channels. James controls the remote, while Lily rests her head on his shoulder. James pulls a face when Minerva McGonagall calls Severus a coward, and Lily smiles again, then, though he never sees it. There is chaos in the castle, a battle raging on, and some of it Lily watches, and for some she turns her head. 

Her face is turned towards the door, in fact, when it opens and Sirius stumbles in. On the telly Harry and his friends are escaping fiendfyre. Sirius crowds in on Lily’s other side and grasps her hand. James’s eyes never leave the screen. Death Eaters die, but so do students and Order members. 

“Yes!” James hisses when Severus stakes Rowle to a tree. 

“Bit violent, isn’t he?” says a voice from the door. It is a familiar redheaded boy, accompanied by Fabian and Gideon Prewett.

“Mind if we join you?” Gideon asks. 

Lily, James, and Sirius surrender the couch to their guests, and crowd on the floor right in front of the telly. For Severus has been summoned to Voldemort’s side, and they need to be closer, and closer still. Amelia Bones joins them, and then Dorcas and Marlene. 

Behind the couch, Amelia whispers, “Why are we watching Snape? He’s a traitor.” 

“Dunno,” says Fred. 

“He’s a _spy_ , obviously!” Sirius scoffs. 

“Shh!” says Lily. For Severus is in danger. The Elder Wand, that answers to Severus; Severus, facing a ruthless megalomaniac; a megalomaniac that will stop at nothing, not even the murder of his most valued soldier, to master the wand. 

“ _It will be my great honor to die in your service, as I have lived_ ,” Severus says and Lily gasps, “No!” But Voldemort is delving into his mind, and whatever he finds hurts him. He shrieks in agony, backing away, giving Severus the time to kill Nagini. Then he vanishes, appears right among Harry and his friends, but they’re close, much too close, to where Voldemort stands. 

And Harry screams. And levels the shack.

“My God!” gasps Dorcas. “What is he?” 

“A boy,” Lily whispers. 

“A child,” says James.

“My godson!” Sirius offers. 

Lily’s hand is over her mouth as they run to the castle, Severus carrying her child’s small body in his strong arms. They carry him to the Potions class to revive him, and treat him, and watch over him. In that time, still others join them. Ted with his daughter, and a teenage boy who Fred greets perkily. 

“Oh no, Tonks, not you,” Sirius says, scrambling to his feet. But James and Lily do not turn, are not aware of anything but their son. He comes to a second time, and soon after Voldemort’s voice intrudes. “ _...AND YOUR LOVER, HARRY POTTER. YOUR LOVER I WILL TORTURE INTO MADNESS BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES._ ” 

“Lover?” whispers Tonks behind them. “Surely he doesn’t mean -” 

But he does mean. And the way Severus is holding Harry against his chest leaves little room for questions. 

No questions at all, when Severus leads Harry to the pensieve. They cannot see the memories within, but Lily and James know what Severus was tasked to do. And they and their guests witness the aftermath. 

“ _Severus. You tried so hard,_ ” Harry says. Lily cannot bear the look on her friend’s face, so she curls up against her husband and breathes deeply against his neck. 

Silence in the room, for however confused their guests may be, there is no denying the air between them - no, not between them, _around_ them, encasing them, holding them together. Their own little bubble, and it swells now, pushed to its aching limits, and further still. The air is poisoned by despair and devotion. More poison leaking out of every word, every touch. “ _Just answer me. Would you take it back? Never love me, and save yourself from feeling what you’re feeling now? Would you protect yourself instead of me?_ ” Harry asks. The words cut cruelly, beautifully. Lily can’t quite breathe, and she wonders if their air is poisoned, too. 

“ _You loved me anyway._ ”

“ _Yes._ ”

“ _I wouldn’t have even known what it felt like, if not for you…_ ”

“Oh god,” James gasps. A hand lifts to his mouth, and a tear trickles down his cheek, into his wife’s hair. Lily clings to him, and he clings right back, basking in the feel and smell of her. He loves her more than he’d ever known possible, and could not imagine what Severus is going through. It was good James had died first, that he never had to know life without her. Even if it was only a few minutes. 

Their guests _ooh_ and _ahh_ over the removal of the Dark Mark, but James and Lily are too overwhelmed to care about this trivial thing, their son’s magic. Not in the face of unbearable tragedy. 

So Harry puts Severus to sleep, leaves a note and a flower, and as one Lily and James rise. He’s going now, their boy, and they must be ready to meet him. As Harry heads to his demise, he passes the Great Hall. Tonks takes a shuddering breath when she hears her husband’s wailing. And when Fred sees his family around his body, he buries his face in his hands. The teenage boy is pale and confused when he sees his own body alone against a wall.

“The Welcome Center, do you think?” James asks. 

But they had forgotten about the Hallows, and as they approach the door, their son finds the Resurrection Stone. So they pause. And wait. And are summoned at last.

* * *

Regardless of the rest, they cannot help but smile when they see Harry. Lily and James and Sirius, his lost family, reunited. And they don’t want to, but duty settles over them like a cloak. Like armor. His guardian angels at last, to guide him to the end. They love him. They’ve always loved him. But standing with him now, they had not known just how much. 

“You’ve been so brave,” Lily tells him. He is so handsome, her boy; more so in person. James in miniature. They could be twins, but for the eyes. And the height. And how skinny he is. And how young. Not much younger than they were, or are. Only seventeen, and walking willingly to Death’s arms. Only seventeen, and he’d left behind his lover to fulfill his destiny. Lily has never known anyone braver, or more beautiful. 

“You are nearly there,” James says. “Very close. We are…so proud of you.”

And they are, but the words aren’t enough to express what they feel. How seeing him here gives them hope, gives them strength, gives them the courage to walk alongside him. 

They walk through the forest, and cannot stop looking at him. They’ll have eternity to look at him, but not as he is now. Not alive and vibrant, even in his fear and his sorrow. 

“I love you, Harry,” Lily says, because they’re nearly there now. “I’m so sorry for all this.”

“We’ll see you soon,” says James. “He will want it to be quick. He’s afraid of you, you know. He was afraid of us, too.” 

Lily and James share a smile as Sirius says his piece. “You’re ten times the man Voldemort is. Give ‘em hell, Harry.” And they keep smiling as he turns to each of them, then drops the stone.

* * *

They appear, not in the Welcome Center as they feared, but back in the living room. Their guests do not look at them, intent as they are on the telly. 

Sirius reclaims their spot on the floor, but Lily remains by the door, grasping James’s face in her hands. The awed glow of her eyes as she smiles reminds him of another day, nearly eighteen years ago, when a squalling baby was placed on her chest. And she says the same words now she said back then. “He’s perfect, James. He’s perfect in every way.” So he kisses her head and they join Sirius in front of the screen.

Lily has never been gladder or sadder in her whole life or afterlife. She does not want Harry here. But James readied his room, and it is well that he did. She will have to thank him, when she has a voice again.

Harry makes a dramatic entrance among the Death Eaters. He is so bold, and so sassy, and they cannot help but laugh. Even though this is the end, though they would not blame him for anger or terror or silence, he gives them a show. He makes a right fool of the so-called Dark Lord. He reminds Voldemort of his accomplishments, and of his youth, and his power. How he stole Severus right out from under his nonexistent nose. And when Harry says “ _Yup_ ” they laugh some more, even through the flash of green light and the crumpling of his tiny frame. 

Lily gracefully rises and holds out her to help James up. “Shall we fetch him, then?”

“Race you!” 

They run down the street giggling madly. Neighbors poke their heads out to fuss, but they only giggle louder. Their Harry is coming, and though it isn’t what they want for him, they are ready to see him. And they ache in their very souls, with their joy and excitement and their grief and regret. 

At the Welcome Center they spin, and grin, and shift, and frown. More people pop up by the minute, but no sign of Harry. Behind the desk, a woman is greeting each newcomer, and after a few minutes she asks a teenage girl to please wait. “Mr. and Mrs. Potter! He won’t be coming!” she calls to them. 

And they are gladdened and saddened once more, and race back to the house.

* * *

“Snape and Remus are going to murder each other, I swear!” Sirius announces when they return. “Where’s Harry?” 

“And he’s being defended by _students_ ,” Fred adds. “Barmy, that.” 

“Shh, listen!” says Tonks. 

And in the middle of the Great Hall, in front of his students and colleagues, and members of the Order, Severus pronounces his love for their son. He is dramatic, but genuine, and their guests are muttering as the living mutter. But Lily and James grin broadly, and hold each other close. For love is precious, however strange or unexpected. Love is beautiful, however ugly its circumstances. Love is powerful, powerful enough to protect her son from death all those years ago, and enough to call him back from it now. Severus speaks to his bracelet, and Lily knows Harry will read it, will come back to his lover. 

The living howl when they see Hagrid bring out Harry’s body, but the dead do not fret. The room buzzes with excitement, gasping and shouting as the battle rages on. Lily and James cannot sit still, but prance around the room, waiting…waiting…hugging and kissing and giggling and celebrating, though the war is not yet won. 

And though more and more people die, they cannot muster the appropriate horror. They are drunk on life. For Harry has not died, and he will not let Severus die, and to them that is what matters most. 

Only when Harry and Severus face Voldemort do they still, do they rush to the screen to drink in every moment. Their son knocking curse after curse out of the air. He protects his lover, and joins him, and no one can doubt that they are one, that they are whole. And Harry taunts Voldemort. And magics the wand right out of his hand, for Severus. 

And when Severus says her name, says, “ _Lily was brilliant, and powerful, and kind._ ” she leans closer. And though their guests complain, James hushes them. For after all of these years, and after everything between them, Severus is still her friend - her dearest, most beloved friend. And even after all these years, and everything between them, she still means something to him. 

“ _Tell me, Severus, what would **Lily Potter** think of what you’ve done to her son?_” Voldemort asks.

And Lily laughs. “Foolish man. What more could a mother want for her child?” 

And because he dared speak her name, Harry wants him dead. And though he was the Chosen One, the expected executioner, it is Severus who steps forward to take the honor. Severus who uses his own invention against his old master. Severus who presses boot to throat. Severus who offers that last curse. 

Severus Snape, victor. 

And as Severus Snape kisses their son, James whoops and swoops Lily into his arms, snogging her soundly.

* * *

All through the day, they drink and dance and make merry. Fred has James and Sirius cracking up. He’ll be an honorary Marauder, Lily thinks. They’ll bring Fred into their family, the way Molly and Arthur brought Harry into theirs. He fits right in, she is pleased to note. 

But there is crying, too, with Tonks, apart from her husband and son. So Lily sits with her, and commiserates, and tells her about tellies, and how she can watch her son grow, and offers to be a friend. Then shares in her tears, and offers hugs and wine. 

By dinnertime, most of their guests have left, but Sirius and Tonks and Fred remain. Lily is cooking when Sirius calls out for her. Three professors stand to accuse Severus. And Harry joins them, shameless in one of his lover's shirts. It seems silly, after everything, to care about this now. To try to tear Harry away from the one person he needs most. Lily and James frown, but they are not worried. Harry and Severus have overcome too much to be stopped by this. So Harry informs his old professors how committed and in love he is. 

“Don’t forget ‘soulmates’,” Tonks mutters. “Are soulmates even _real_ , actually?” 

“Look,” Lily says, gesturing to the screen where Severus has his arms around Harry, nose in his hair. “Can’t you tell?”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Always Watching: Fan Art](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25293766) by [Chickenpets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chickenpets/pseuds/Chickenpets)




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